On The Days You Don’t Care


On The Days You Don’t Care
by Intentional Warriors

Over on xxxchurch last week Jeff Fisher wrote a blog post that tells it like it is.

There are days when Jeff doesn’t care.  There are lots of men at all stages of dealing with their addiction to porn and masturbation who have days like those Jeff is describing.

Jeff says:

Sometimes I feel that all I want to do is masturbate or look at sensual material on the computer.  I don’t want to turn to other guys, talk to my wife, or spend time with God.  I want my favorite drug of choice to make me feel better.

i have had some days like that since The Confession years ago.  But fortunately, by God’s powerful Grace, there have been very few. And when i have had those days, God has been quick to remind me of the death it would…

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 19: The Care of God


We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God, as we understood God. – Step Three

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

I finished Step Two! I am officially insane.  Yay, me! Great way to start a new week. That realization sucks. Really a lot. I have spent a lot of time thinking over my past decisions.  How I ended up here. I came up with one very obvious learning from this self-reflection: I make TERRIBLE decisions. Obvious, right? Obviously not. I didn’t think so. Quite the opposite, I used to brag on my spiritual gift of discernment. Wow. Insanity is absolutely right.

So on to Step Three.  I think I have done this. I know that God…

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Journal Through Recovery Entry 18: Triggered


I have been struggling with what exactly being triggered means and when it happens. Specifically, why does my wife get triggered? What causes it? I know the obvious things. I recognize when she sees something or someone that reminds her of my acting out. It’s the things I don’t know, the subtle times. It usually occurs right before we go to bed. She likes to decompress at night, to relax after we do our intimacy exercises. Those are the times her mind goes to places I don’t know and can’t control.  That’s what I am learning to do, not attempt to manipulate or control her thoughts or where she goes.  My counselor has been clear that I need to allow her to feel her own pain and deal with it without trying to keep her from doing so.

I have spent a lifetime with her attempting to manipulate her feelings…

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Erosive Influence of Porn Upon Husbands


It’s when work life and family life are at their peak—and at times at each other’s throats. Many men turn to porn during these exhaustive years as an illicit pick-me-up.

by Paul Coughlin

For the surprising number of husbands who think that pornography use is “no big deal,” consider this from those who work at ground-zero of divorce. During a recent meeting of divorce attorneys, two thirds of the 350 attorneys said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just 10 or so years ago.

The majority of male porn consumers are between the ages of 35-49. I highlight this fact because it provides both context and hope for the many men I talk with across the country. Just as there is fun…

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Corrosive Influence of Porn on Wives


One reason why pornography is more attractive to wives than husbands is its capacity for secretive retribution.

by Paul Coughlin

A frustrated and grieving woman in her 20s writes to Focus on the Family: “I’m addicted to porn…It’s so frustrating to find all sorts of help out there, but only for men…Are there any articles or studies currently out there for people like me?” Her search is not fruitless, but it will not be as fruitful as a man’s search for answers. Currently, the reasons why husbands turn to porn are better known, discussed, and more public than why wives turn to pornography.

The Seven-Year-Itch

Of course the reasons overlap. Two are boredom and pain. Call it the seven-year-itch if you want, but eventually the home fires begin to dim in the best of marriages. We grow bored with each other’s strengths as well as weaknesses, and for some…

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Traveling Toward Marital Intimacy


Though there is overlap, husbands and wives tend to take two unique paths toward intimacy. It’s important to understand where they lead and that sometimes we may have to force ourselves onto them.

by Paul Coughlin

Accountability to another person about your visual and emotional infidelity can be helpful—but not as helpful as we like to believe. After a while, one husband told me, “It’s pretty easy to lie to the person who is questioning you. It’s so autonomous–how are they really going to know?”

Putting computers out in the open is helpful as well in order to break the power of autonomy. But what happens when no one is around to see you on that website or watching that soap opera? There is a more lasting approach: Addressing the reasons why a husband or wife would turn to someone other than their spouse when desiring sexual and emotional intimacy…

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Marital Intimacy Destroyers – Husbands



by applyingmybeliefs

There are ordinary things each of us does that impede, lessen or even destroy intimacy in marriages.  Men do some to their wives, and wives do some to their husbands.  Here we are going to look at five everyday behaviors that husbands do that diminish the intimacy in marriage.

  1. Looks at other women in admiration. Men look at women other than their wives, and they notice them; that is mostly unavoidable.  However, some men go beyond looking and noticing, they move that extra step to admiring.  This happens when a man takes a second or elongated look at a women, it happens when they view pornography and it happens when they act out sexually.  The message to a wife is that they are not enough, that the man prefers somebody else over them.  Men will deny this of course, but that doesn’t make this untrue.  It…

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