Codependency: A Family Perspective Part V

CASTIMONIA

Codependency: A Family Perspective Part V

The following are statements which portray relationally addictive people(#19-25):

19. Our self-esteem is critically low. Deep inside we do not believe we deserve to be happy. Rather, we believe we must earn the right to enjoy life. We forget that we were all created equal and by the same maker.
20. Having experienced little security in childhood, we have a desperate need to control people, outcomes, and relationships. We mask our efforts to control people and situations as “being helpful.”
21. In a relationship we are more in touch with our dream of how it could be rather than with the reality of how it is. We don’t want to hear the little voice inside that tells us what is!
22. We are addicted to a person, people, and/or to emotional pain. This is not because we enjoy pain, but it is familiar; we understand…

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Codependency: A Family Perspective – Part II

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Codependency: A Family Perspective – Part II
People suffering from drug or alcohol-related codependency disorders often experience themselves as being caught up in a treadmill existence. Whether or not goals are achieved there is a driven compulsion for more. An anxious feeling of incompleteness or emptiness remains no matter what is accomplished. Health problems may also exist: migraine headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, colitis, ulcers, high blood pressure, and many other high stress-related physical illnesses. Stress related illness is not “only in your head.” It is stress-induced physical alteration of the body. It is real. Emotional problems such as depression, anxiety, insomnia, and hyperactivity may also be evident in codependent individuals. These disorders have a physical basis. They are chemical imbalances in the brain. In other words, our cognitive/emotional state impacts upon our physical being. We are a holistic mind-body system. Codependent individuals experienced a traumatically empty childhood. Their present-day relationships are…

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Behaviors of His Parents

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Behaviors of His Parents
Often times the dysfunctional man is repeating some of the behaviors of his parents. The behaviors of the codependent started off as defense mechanisms in order to protect him in the environment he was raised in. Unfortunately, when a person escapes from the destructive environment, he is left with a lot of unresolved issues. These issues tend to carry over into his later relationships if he does not resolve them. The symptoms of codependency in men are of a wide variety. They range from having the appearance of being a servant to having the appearance of selfishness and abusiveness. Often times, codependent men have poor communication skills. They are also insecure. They usually have low self-worth. Other codependency symptoms are a little less common among cases. One of the more common symptoms of codependency is controlling behaviors. Codependent people often try to control everything in their…

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Isn’t It Ironic?

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Isn’t It Ironic?

The dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about. Unlike women, men don’t discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Instead, they internalize their pain. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, or become numb to their needs and feelings. They shun attention and try to do the right thing and be good sons, husbands, and fathers, focusing instead on making a living and meeting the needs of their wives and children. These codependent men sacrifice themselves and believe that their needs, including the need for time away from their wives, are selfish. Societal and cultural values have shamed men as weak for expressing feelings or needs, which reinforces codependent traits of control, suppression of feelings, and denial of needs. Often they turn to addiction in order to cope. Darlene Lancer, M.A., MFT, J.D.

Isn’t it ironic? We ignore the ones that adore us, adore the ones…

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Feeling Trapped and Fearing Abandonment

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Feeling Trapped and Fearing Abandonment
Posted by James Browning on October 23, 2012

If you think your wife is codependent, there’s a good chance you are, too. Often codependent men are attracted to women who are needy, demanding, jealous, or critical. Men become dependent on their wives’ approval, and then feel trapped by their manipulation, demands, or expectations. They’re unable to set boundaries and fear emotional retaliation and/or rejection, including withholding of sex. Their wives may be very emotional, providing a sense of aliveness to the relationship and compensating for the numbness many codependent men feel inside. In the beginning, a man can feel powerful, helping a needy girlfriend or wife and giving her attention or gifts. He conforms to her expectations, while being assured that she won’t abandon him, but eventually discovers that it’s never enough to satisfy her. . Fear of rejection and abandonment are powerful motivators for…

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Only a Temporary Fix

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Only a Temporary Fix
There was a time when I thought I had my first wife fooled and she did not suspect I wasn’t being faithful. Only years later after our divorce did I learn she knew all the time. She suppressed her thoughts and feelings and never expressed them to me.

Suppressing an emotion is one of the most common responses to a difficult situation. One is aware of the unwanted emotion, but chooses to avoid or ignore how one is feeling. For instance, a wife who knows her husband is having an affair may feel hurt, but choose not to say anything about it because she feels she must maintain a stable home for her children. When the hurt overtakes her, she many ignore it by taking on activities to keep herself from thinking about it. Suppression, however, is only a temporary fix, until you deal with them…

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How Parents’ Infidelity Can Hurt a Child

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/how-a-parents-infidelity-can-hurt-a-child_b_6751696.html

The indie music world was shocked when Sonic Youth’s co-founders Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore announced they were separating in 2011 after 27 years of marriage. Gordon, 61, has just published a memoir, Girl in a Band, that tells that story, among others, but she spoke honestly about the reasons her marriage fell apart two years ago, calling it the “most conventional story ever.”

Moore had an affair, which she discovered after seeing a text message. Counseling didn’t help, in part because he continued to see his affair partner.

While both Gordon and Moore have their stories to tell about their marriage and infidelity, there is one voice that remains silent — their daughter Coco’s. She was 17 when they split, still a minor but old enough to be way past the age of idolizing her parents and in the throes of her own sexual awakenings.

And that’s fairly…

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