The second of a series of lessons on things that internally explode into our lives and that causes us to be stuck in our Christian growth.

In this lesson we explore insecurity.  What it is, where it comes from, what it’s purpose in our lives might be and how to deal with it.

It begins with a reporter’s eye view of the day Peter had when Jesus was arrested.

It is posted here:

Here is the pdf file for those that would prefer to download it:

IED – Lesson Two – Insecurity

Be secure…………

View original post


Barriers to Discipleship – Immorality


This is the seventh lesson in the “Barriers to Discipleship” series.  It covers the subject of sexual immorality, what it really is, why it so spoken against by God and what to do to combat it in our lives.  It is a good example of the old saying “know your enemy” because some of us will fight the wrong fight in dealing with this, when understanding who or what the real enemy is helps us engage in the correct war.

It starts with a story, an imaginary story, of how a typical affair might get started.

IED – Lesson Seven – Immorality

View original post

Anatomy of an Affair – Part Two – Vulnerability


This is the second part of a blog about the origins or causes of affairs and how we become vulnerable to one.  In this part we look at the actual real life factors that make us susceptible to having an affair.

Now we come to the highly charged aspect of looking at what causes affairs.  How are these intimacy deficits created?  This is a rather complicated subject; in light of that I am going to provide only a basic principled look at that question.

As I see it there are these five major causal factors for affairs:

  • Our past, our cultural upbringing, our current environment, our spouse and our character.

Our Past

When I say our past, I am referring to all the experiences we had as we were growing up and how they affected our intimacy needs.  Let’s look at some major examples.

Some of us were abandoned, abused…

View original post 1,690 more words

Anatomy of an Affair – Part One – Origins


This is the first of a two part blog on this difficult subject.  In this part we look at the origins, or basic cause of affairs, in the second we look at the major factors that go into becoming vulnerable to an affair.

I have long said this about extra-marital affairs:

  • All affairs are emotional and some are physical.

What so many people don’t get about affairs is this:

  • Affairs always involve a search for intimacy.

To demonstrate the reality of this last statement I want to go through the anatomy of an affair; how one is constructed and how it feeds us psychologically.  Because once we understand this we can see how each of us may be unconsciously making contributions to the birth of an affair in ourselves or in our marital partner.

First let’s define intimacy:

Intimacy is the emotional state achieved through the action of being intimate. …

View original post 1,255 more words

Marital Intimate Affection


A few days ago I published a “marital intimacy attention” exercise.  Here is a second exercise in a series I’m writing, this one deals with the little things that demonstrate affection in a marriage.

Affection is an important part of being and staying connected in all strong, healthy and intimate marital relationships.  When it is not overtly practiced by both spouses, a hidden question develops – does he/she really love me?  It is the small everyday things we do to demonstrate love through affection that provide some important glue in the bond of marriage.  In this intimacy exercise we are going to practice some demonstrations of affection.

Marital Intimate Affection is defined as:

A consistently present sense of caring, warmth, tenderness, fondness and attachment toward a spouse that is demonstrated in gentle and frequent personalized small actions such as gifting, words of connection and non-sexual touching.

Exercise objectives:

  1. For the…

View original post 358 more words

Marital Intimate Attention


This is an exercise that helps build intimacy in marriages that I give to couples who struggle with communication or connecting with each other.

This is an intimacy exercise that is designed to become a permanent part of a couple’s interactive life, a new healthy habit.  For many of us not being heard by our spouse is a form of rejection, it is an unspoken statement that we have no value to them.  When couples do not listen to each other an opportunity to be intimate through attention is lost, and can never be recovered.  To be heard is to be loved in the context of a marriage.

Marital Intimate Attention is defined as:

Demonstrating appropriate and focused interest, concern, and care of and for a spouse through entering their world by active listening without judgment, caretaking or contribution.

Exercise objectives:

  1. For the man to demonstrate spiritual leadership through first…

View original post 386 more words

Marital Intimate Encouragement


So often the practice of encouraging one another in a marriage is put aside in favor of shining a light on the things we don’t like about each other, or criticizing the actions of the people we say we love.  Encouragement is a fundamental part of being intimate with one another.  We all need encouragement to keep going in times of trouble or difficulty, to take reasonable risks with new paths in life and to work on our personal or spiritual growth.  When our spouse demonstrates love through “putting courage into” us, we feel uplifted, we feel strengthened, we see light at the end of dark tunnels, we are more confident about our future and we become more joyous and hopeful in our everyday life.  When encouragement is consistently practiced in a marriage it becomes infectious to the spouses and family, it also makes a couple attractive companions to other…

View original post 369 more words