One of the single biggest sources of poor communication between spouses is found in the idea of validation.  We often don’t validate, we validate then nullify our validation, or we simply weakly validate.  Validation is the confirmation of our understanding of something.  Validation doesn’t always mean agreement, but it can.  There are several basic areas of communication in a marriage that require validation:

  • Validation of facts. (I have to pick you up at 7 pm.)
  • Validation of thinking. (You think that we should buy a new car.)
  • Validation of feelings. (I understand that you are feeling frustrated with me right now.)
  • Validation of choices. (I see you have decided that we ought to go eat Chinese today.)
  • Validation of behaviors. (I realize that you went out of your way to pick me up tonight.)

Of these five basic areas of validation, by far and away the most important is that…

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