The Death of Manhood

Must Be This Tall To Ride

The Suicide by Edouard Manet “The Suicide” by Edouard Manet (Image/Public domain)

I made fun of my gay friend in high school for the same reason I was afraid to tell my father about this blog.

It’s also the same reason I was a shitty husband, and the same reason millions of men—even ones who are pretty good guys—are shitty husbands.

Somewhere down deep, in places we don’t like to talk about, most men are afraid of losing their identity as men. They’re afraid of being rejected by their male peers. They’re afraid of not being respected or sexually desired by women. They’re afraid of disappointing their fathers, their coaches, their male mentors.

Men are so afraid of these things that we don’t seek help when we need it in matters big and small, for fear of projecting a lack of “manliness.” We sometimes won’t even admit there’s a problem.

I can handle it…

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Seeking Nurturing


This is the third in a series of ways we exhibit low quality mental health in normal everyday life.  As a reminder, I claimed in a previous blog that every human, with the exception of Jesus, that ever existed or will exist, up to the moment God makes all things new, is mentally ill or if you prefer, has imperfect mental health.  The first of this series, my previous blog to this, was about not asking for help, the second was on the subject of inner permission.  This one is a sub-set of what I would call self-love or possibly self-care; it is about not seeking nurturance from self, others or God.

  • Nurturing – the process of caring for and encouraging the growth or development of someone or something.

We are designed to be nurtured.  As a very young child we are pre-wired by God to seek physical and psychological…

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I Do Not Like That


This is the fourth subject in my look at ways we are expressing poor mental health in everyday life.  This one deals with sex, but won’t be graphic.

In his book “The Road Less Traveled” (Which is one of my all-time favorite books!) M. Scott Peck says this:

  • Mental health is a commitment to reality at all times.

Nowhere in our everyday mental health life is this truer than in our handling of sexual issues within committed relationships – in my opinion.

How real are we in the sexual part of our committed relationships?

Let me state, as a pastor, that there is only one form of committed relationship that allows a human to engage in sexual activity, that is a monogamous marriage between a man and a woman.  I will also acknowledge that there are other forms of committed relationships that have sexual engagement as a normal part of…

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An Open Letter to Shitty Husbands, Vol. 1

Must Be This Tall To Ride

Photo by Mike Klemme A tradition unlike any other?
Photo by Mike Klemme

Dear Shitty Husband,

Yep. You.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s one of, or some combination of, the following:

  1. I’m not a shitty husband! I work 50-hour-plus weeks to pay for our house, and our cars, and our vacations, and her jewelry, and the kids’ activities. I love my wife and family!
  2. I’m not a shitty husband! I would do ANYTHING for my wife.
  3. I’m not a shitty husband! I fix things around the house that need fixed. I mow the lawn, and walk the dog, and take out the trash, and help change diapers, and run the kids to their little league games.
  4. I’m not a shitty husband! I always make sure she has an orgasm when we have sex once a week!
  5. I’m not a shitty husband! I don’t drink excessively, I’m drug-free, I work out, I don’t hit…

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How does Marriage Fit In with a Spiritual Life? Is There Marriage in Heaven?

Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life

Is marriage biological, social, or spiritual?

Answer: All of the above. Not to mention divine.

Yes, we humans have the same biological drives to mate and reproduce as the rest of the higher animals. And yes, marriage does help to provide social stability and a healthy environment for raising children—assuming the marriages themselves are healthy.

But marriage goes far beyond biology and sociology. At least it does according to Emanuel Swedenborg, who published a controversial book on the subject back in the eighteenth century. Marriage, says Swedenborg, is a spiritual and eternal relationship because it comes from the very nature of God.

What? Is God married?

Yes . . . but it’s not what you’re thinking! There is not a marriage between male and female deities and a whole family of little gods and goddesses running around some celestial Mount Olympus. Instead, there is a marriage of divine love…

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